I may rock more than sedimentary, but I’m no geologist.

Kangaroos are martians. There, I said it. *looks around suspiciously for MIB type menfolk*

I have thought about this for a long time, given my somewhat limited attention span, a ‘long’ time means about 20 minutes roughly.

Observe:

Correct me if I’m colour blind (or ‘color’ for you American folk. How’s that election going by the way? Oh wait… don’t bother, I read about it all the fucking time anyway) but does these two pictures look like they’re taken in the same regions?

 

Yes Yoda, they do. Red and dusty, rocks scattered along the landscape in a somewhat erratic natural fashion. I don’t know why NASA went and sent a space probe to Mars when all they had to do was look in Australia. I bet these kangaroos planned to picnic here some few million years ago and got stranded because their spaceships were made in the shapes of boomerangs and they weren’t clever enough to realise that boomerangs rebound (I know, clever enough to make spaceships but not clever enough to figure out the workings of a boomerang, I am still working on this theory) and they then educated the humans on everything from fire starting to rock painting before retiring to a little corner of the Earth that reminded them of home. Much like those Prometheus and Bob episodes except Prometheus had a tail and Bob was, well, Bob. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and ask one of them. I’m not sure if you’ll get that far though, not many people know how to speak kangaroo.

Another point worth noting: Kangaroos are ‘marsupials’. Get it? MARSupial. The official definition is something like this- an animal (usually a mammal) in which embryos complete their development in a maternal pouch called a ‘marsupium’.

Which, I’m almost certain, would make sense in the mind of a logically inclined person. Alas, I am not one of them.


 

I’m onto you buddy. Don’t look into the camera with those big brown shimmery eyes of yours and expect me to be pulled in by your apparent ‘cuteness’. You have caused me endless minutesmoments of turmoil. All this time I was happy with the notion that martians were green, pumping cream soda through their tiny alien type hearts, and you went and spoilt it for me.

I’m pretty sure all this means that boxing is a martian concept too, how else would your kind be able to give such precise blows to the head? That, my alien friends, was perhaps your biggest mistake. Look at Mohammed Ali. Poor guy, he’s no butterfly anymore.

I’ve also been without work for an hour. Is it obvious?

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