I think the batman signal is broken.

So we went to ‘The Hat’ for Halloween. It was nice.

Hot like firecracker. And by that I mean something very heated and hot like.

Hot like firecracker. And by firecracker I mean something very heated and hot like.

There were 6 Jokers in attendance (I counted them during a not so entertaining moment). Felt a bit bummed out that they did not bring out the general psychotic absurdity of the character. (Well, all of them except for Paul who pulled off a very good drunk Joker.)

But where was Batman? Poor Batman, I think everyone forgot that he was supposed to be the hero of the story. Its not his fault, Heath Ledger did die (and that’s a very big deal), and his character makeup was out of this world.

I’m sorry Batman. I’m sorry people don’t like you as much. I’m sorry your outfit is so passe. I’m sorry you fell down a well and there was no Lassie to save you. If you didn’t fall down a well, who knows, you could just have been a regular 30-ish playboy with dozens of illegitimate children strewn across Gotham City. For that matter, I’m pretty sure Gotham City would have been a nice place to live in. There would be sunlight and fields of strawberries to run in (because fields of daisies are so cliche) and chocolate milk would flow like rivers down its gold cobbled streets.

Why did you not come Batman? Were you ashamed that the Joker got away and managed to get all the attention? Were you scared?

I understand. Johannesburg is no city for a flying man rat like you. The Metro Cops would probably give you 4 fines on Rivonia Road before you even get to ‘The Hat’. And then you’ll be in jail. You won’t be happy. You’ll worry about dropping arb things like soap. Some big manly muscle man will take you under his wing, you’ll think of your trusty sidekick Robin, and then you’ll realise…

Batman, you are gay.

(But being gay is fine because gay people need love too)

 All those children aren’t really yours. Those supermodels you thought you had sex with formed a secret organisation with the sole purpose of tricking you. You will rot in jail. Yes, rot. Because bats don’t live forever, this is not a remake of Vanilla Sky. Its a sad day when you have to resort to Tom Cruise tactics. I think you should just give up. This town is too big for you.

We could have been good together Batman, I’m just sorry the Joker turned you into a withering pansy.

P.S: Now that I look at it Mel, you do kinda look like the Pilsbury Doughman’s wife. Albeit a hot one, so that’s okay.

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