Of Mice and Men

I overheard the term ‘soapbox’ this morning. Strange term that. Before I go on, let me state that this blog has nothing to do with the political and humanitarian rights aspect associated with protesting on discarded soap boxes.

When people say ‘soapbox’ I think of the endless lectures I got from my mom about how sad life was when they lived on the farm that she had to go to the river to fetch water so she could have a bath and she used this certain type of soap that was in a blue paper wrapping. You know the wrapping I’m talking about, the wrapping that gets all goo like after you’ve run from the shower to wherever the soap is kept, trying not to slip on the tiles as you pray that no-one is awake to watch this debacle in mild amusement. Then when you finally get to the shower, your hand is covered in this oatmeal like grunge. I hate that type of wrapping.

Times, as they say, are changing. Not only can you get soap in boxes that don’t disintegrate, but you get soap that promises cleansing capabilities of unfathomable kinds of dirt. Observe:

125837233_m1
I know that the makers of this product developed and marketed it as a sort of ‘kitch-cool’ thing that’s meant to be taken very tongue in cheek, see, I don’t. Why are there only two options? Where is the purple one with the ‘Not a virgin but definitely not at slut status’ title? I demand a purple soap!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind sluts or virgins. I believe that they are an integral part of the economy. Virgins are the fantasy, the ideal.  Sluts are harder to explain without pissing one gender off… so I have come up with a clever solution:

IF YOU ARE A MAN PERSON, READ HERE
-A slut is a temporary distraction used for purposes of a sexual nature. Does not require any consideration thereon as she is freely available or disposable.
-Someone you can blame when things don’t go as planned, using her ‘wanton’ like ways as an indication of her moral character.

IF YOU ARE A FEMALE PERSON, READ HERE
-A slut is a term made up by men that need their fragile egos stroked once in a while so that they may become productive members of society
-A slut is a woman so envied by her counterparts that her less than equal enemies have no defence against so they resort to mud-slinging by ways of implying that her sexual appetite is morally wrong.

Just about anyone can be a slut. Take this woman for instance

PALIN CABINET

I know which soap you would use Ms Palin. Don’t even try to talk your way out of this one missy.

While we’re in Alaska, did you know that the plural for Moose is not Meese or Mice but actually Moose? Well that’s no fun at all.

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2 thoughts on “Of Mice and Men

  1. Nick says:

    Very clever angle on the slut definitions. Much to be admired in these posts.

    What’s up with the Palin bashing though? I thought those days were over. To call her a slut too? Hmmm, why? She does have a lot of kids I guess, and that one is a teenage mom. They probably one of those naked families. In Alaska I’d imagine that makes for some pointy nipples too. Slut.

  2. slitterpuff says:

    I used her as an example, nothing personal I swear.

    I called her a slut because:
    a. She’s not a virgin. Even her babies have babies. This blog is about the fact that there is no purple soap. If there was one, she would not have been branded that way.
    b. According to the definition of a slut provided in my post, she is
    – a temporary distraction who happened to be rather attractive looking
    – someone you can blame when things don’t go as planned… say… the election.
    – a flatterer of fragile egos.
    – an envied woman. (lets not talk about that one too much)

    And while it is severely cold in Alaska, I doubt its cold enough to excuse some of the benign things she’s said.

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