National Cleavage Day.
Three words that do nothing for me. I don’t have cleavage. God, as awesome as he is and all that, did not have the foresight to bless me with breasts capable of obtaining that lust inducing valley all by themselves, I need help, help in the form of Wonderbra/La Perla/Triumph/other bra brands I can’t think of.
Oh Bra Manufacturers and your clever product design, I thank you on behalf of the B-cupped population and commend you on your endevours in increasing upliftment and general sexiness for humanity. I’m sure there will be a place for you in heaven, nestled in the warmth of eternally perky lady lumps.
The brassiere was invented in 1913 by a Mary Phelps Jacob, not a man as many people have been lead to believe for all he did was trademark the idea. Aside from the fact that the bra was created by said woman, she also happened to be one of great social importance, proving the age old premise that it really is who you know dharling . The story goes that she was desperate to show off her oh-so-fabulous-you-may-orgasm dress, unfortunately the traditional undergarment (the corset) was not suitable for it. Desperate times, as they tend to do, bring out genius.
You know what else was created during one of those said ‘desperate’ times?
I lied, the atomic bomb was not created out of desperation. It was an unfortunate idea born in the minds of scientists that stuck their noses in places they weren’t supposed to. Darwin would be displeased.
Mary P. Jacob sought the help of her seamstress and concocted the basis for what we know as the ‘bra’ or ‘mammary gland upliftyish-sexy-making device’. To date, there are numerous upliftyish-sexy-making-devices depending on the style of the garment a women chooses to wear. I’ve included this mainly for the benefit of my male readers.
Relevance to male specimen:
< a bitch to remove
< still a bitch to remove but with more of a KAPOW!
< If you get past the maternity part (unless that’s your thing) this would be endorsed by guys.
<whatever happened to that sporty spice chick? Exactly. Not sexy
< a lie… I can see them
Ideally, men prefer no bra at all given that the ideal varies between cultures. Ancient Greek women tried to make their bosoms seem less ‘kapow’ by restraining them whereas some cultures prefered them to be left to ‘dance in the wind’ like that socially inept chick in Nell. In another movie, she was salivated over by a cannibal so it really didn’t work for her.
National cleavage day started here in SA (another reason why SA is so much better that everywhere else) a few years ago and is endorsed by Wonderbra. By use of a clever, somewhat controversial, but generally enjoyable gimmick, the day aims to bring about awareness to the issue of breast cancer. This got me thinking, why isn’t there a National Testicle Day? Don’t get me wrong, I like breasts, both on myself and attached to the bodies of other women, but I think *flaccid penises* we should *flaccid penises* also pay *flaccid penises*attention *flaccid penises* to *flaccid penises* testicular cancer too.
You’re thinking about flaccid penises aren’t you.
That’s probably why we don’t have a national testicle day. I’m sorry. Here, I’ll make it all better…
Now if only there were a ‘really great legs’ day…