I’m almost as awesome as Christopher Walken.

I am a female. I live in my head. Living in my head is way more awesome than it would ever be if I were living in your head so don’t even try to snap your fingers and correct me. I am way more awesome than you, especially on Thursdays because my brain connects in all the right places on a Thursday. This was written on a Thursday. I live in a city. I like living in the city because fun things happen like people getting robbed and notifying the police. Sometimes, when criminals get caught, they get disappointed with themselves because they suck at doing crime and then they find God and become Jehovah’s witnesses and harass the people that notified them to the police and the police can’t do anything, not even arrest them for disturbing the peace because people who find God are big supporters of peace and such frivolity.  I’m not such a frivolous person in real life, I’m reserved and sometimes aloof, people have go as far to say that I’m quiet. I’m not. In real life I think about what I’m going to say and then I have an internal argument because I realise that if I say what I think I should say, people will think that I’m strange and time passes and people look at me like they expect me to say something profound and I don’t say anything because I’m still fighting with myself in my head, and the people expecting genius get disappointed and start thinking that I’m strange. It’s a lose-lose situation but I still win because I’m still more awesome than you. Unless you’re Christopher Walken, in that case, you are much more awesome than all of us. I like Christopher Walken, when you look at him all thought ceases to exist. Its like the static you get on your TV that still has residual micro-waves from the beginning of the universe which is located somewhere on the edge and even if you tried to get there with a super-sonic magna-light-year-travelling spaceship, your body would still die and turn to dust and separate into molecules by the time you get to where you calculated the ‘edge’ would be but it won’t be there anymore because the universe is constantly expanding. Christopher Walken’s awesomeness is like the ever expanding universe. I aspire to such greatness, that is why I end almost everything with an ellipses…

like I’m about to do now…


8 thoughts on “I’m almost as awesome as Christopher Walken.

  1. Nick Jackson says:

    You’re the static in my TV?!? The awesomeness that prevails since the beginning of time compels you? You say on Thursdays it all comes together, but is the static fuzz that makes you not say awesome things sometimes? Does this explain why Thursday night TV is always a bit crap? Selfish you. Maybe we could have Christopher Walken movies on Thursdays. If that’s okay with you.

  2. kalliebree says:

    I’m obssesed with ellipses too…could this be the physical manifestation of my internal yearnings for greatness…

  3. Nafisa says:

    I love your header!

    PS I think its a good idea that you decided to start blogging again. Such talent can’t go to waste.

  4. Kat says:

    I also have arguments in my head, perhaps we should silently argue with ourselves at each other. That would confuse almost everyone. Except for Christopher Walken.

  5. slitterpuff says:

    @Nick: Yes. I am. I am the Alpha and Omega and the static in your TV and the step that’s a few inches shorter than the rest of them that might make you trip and fall but not die because if you did die then I’d be God and the Jehova’s witness people will start worshipping me which would be EXHAUSTING.

    @kalliebree: I wish you all the best in your endeavours to achieve greatness…

    @Nafisa: Your comment saved my header 🙂

    @Kat: Myself and I have resolved to disagree and agree with you at the same time.

  6. biobot says:

    I have had a wristwatch up my ass for the past five years. Last week, I began to enjoy it.

  7. Nick Jackson says:

    Well in that case I won’t ask for it back.

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