Tag Archives: I don’t like Windows Vista – like a lot

Schwoar Harold! That zombie almost looks real!

Date: 31/12/2011

The world celebrates the dawn of a new year. Jocks, hotties and other semi-cool people are celebrating with copious amounts of alcohol, karaoke, dancing and picture taking. Almost everyone is doing it, even that Joey guy from Friends. Whatever happened to him anyway? Oh, no-one cares about Joey, his hair doesn’t glisten half as much as Rachel’s. Damn that Rachel.

Somewhere, in the basements/attics/3rd bedrooms of parent’s houses around the world, sits lonely late-20-somethings,  frenzied with scouring the internet for hentai porn, playing World of Warcraft or homing in on their Guitar Hero skills. These people are the scourge of society, your boss or that guy you’ve been flirting with for over a month – ladykiller765.

In the midst of their revelry, something tragic happens to all the socialites of the world. Dr X, an evil mastermind tripping on peyote, accidentally transmits an ultra high frequency sound-wave that triggers a part of people’s brains that turns them into FLESH EATING ZOMBIES. Unawares to the mayhem occurring around them, the nerds, geeks and miscellaneous misfits remain unaffected, safe within the protective layer of their noise canceling headphones. I know what you’re thinking. What about the deaf people Miss blog writer person? You doubt the genius of Mr X. Don’t get all stroppy with me!

The fate of humanity lies in the hands of ladykiller765 and the like. Who will save our species? Who will boldly go where none have gone before? Who will turn off the LHC? Who will blog about the event?


One whose IQ exceeds his weight. Places much value on learning the technicalities on almost every subject without feeling the need to put this knowledge into practice. Ignored by society, the nerd becomes a hermit, sharing his thoughts with a select group of individuals, usually using the internet as a medium of communication. Nerds have little to no social skills, possibly eliminating the likelihood of procreation through ‘traditional’ means. The nerd is ill-equipped to defend himself, though is not a novice in terms of knowing what it’s like to be a victim. This may or may not be considered as an advantage. Easily identifiable by his attire, demeanor and reliance on medical apparatuses which often leads to him being the butt-end of the joke. Unless the zombies have a wicked sense of humour and an acute case of  jock-syndrome, it is unlikely that the nerd will be the victor, though he will be able to explain his demise in clinical detail.

Not necessarily as smart as a nerd. One that puts on the façade of superior intelligence through  fixating on a certain type of genre that does not fall within social norms. Not as inept as his nerdy counterparts, the geek’s social prowess ranges from zero-Pete Cashmore. The geek is able to use his technical skills to his advantage, depending on his chosen genre. Therefore, a fitness geek might be more capable to defend himself than a portable geek, a special-effects geek might get too distracted by the realism of the zombies, missing the opportunity to flee or a die-hard video game geek might know all the tricks of the trade.  Most geeks possess a certain amount of sex appeal. Disguised as ‘the dark silent type’, they are able to find a mate in many social settings and even online, either using their natural talents or through acquired knowledge, example: The Game by Neil Strauss.

I don’t know about you, but my money is definitely on the geek. A geek is most likely to survive, find a mate, procreate and continue the species, one well thought out role playing adventure at a time. Although the future generations might be very elitist, it does look bright enough for us to forgive Dr X’s slip-up with the sparkly cactus. In fact, if such a situation were to occur, the future would most likely be run by an operating system, have a soundtrack featuring at least one synthesizer and we’d be able to hyper-jump through the space-time continuum with one click on our i-Pods attached to our jet packs.

Many thanks to the lovely twitter people for all your help in my, at the time, absolutely pointless research. Especially to @LeeAnneOlfsen and @NickJackson for your meticulous proof-reading 🙂

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The list: Reloaded (but not like the Matrix because that movie was a bit meh)

Things I like:
-Flowcharts, diagrams, highlighters and post-its
: I love the sense of order it brings me. I don’t like it when a post-it loses its stickiness.
-Cheese: I could write an ode to cheese, but I won’t, because it would be a very lame source of distraction and I’d just start craving it. The only cheese I do not like is cottage cheese, I feel it is an imitation of the real thing, plus it looks like cheese puke.
-My iPod: I do not need to elaborate on this one.
Mojo: The cat.
-The ctrl+alt+del function.
-Watching movies under the blankets on a rainy day

-The smell of petrol.
-Pretending as if I’m being watched by some sort of secret organisation or an alien civilisation or ghosts
. (most of the time its ghosts. I do this when I start thinking about some person I haven’t spoken to in a while and then think they’re dead and they’re watching me. This usually happens in the shower for some odd reason, I doubt ghosts are as peverted as I make them out to be)
-Strawberry pops- yum
-People that pay for the evil they have committed. And I mean evil evil, not evil like me, I’m only a small fish in the pond of evilness.
-Developing characters for my many stuffed animals. These are not the most attractive of playthings. As of now I have a Russian mafia don, a pimp, a retired hooker, a fem-me fa-tale, a geek, a cat that humps everything and a Casanova with an obesity problem. They all have names and backgrounds. Most of the time they end up killing each other. I gave them away recently 😦
-The way my baby cousin speaks. She can’t pronounce her r’s and h’s. I swear its the most adorable thing ever.
-Observing people. People are strange, they never are as straight forward as they appear to be. I sit and wonder… and then wonder what they perceive me to be, then pretend I’m being watched. (see above)
-Eva Green. I want to marry her. I do not have any specific reason as to why I want to, I just do.
-Whipped Cream.
-Clear and comprehensive financial statements.
-My olive body butter.
I have a thing for papaya body butter now though.
-Organising things and messing them up: Especially my cupboards. I have to forcibly remove myself from the filing room at work because I’d just go and rearrange everything for no reason.
-Picking the mascara off my eyelashes.
-Anti-heroes, heroes, people that want to take over the world, people with alter-egos, people that parade around their local neighbourhoods in home made crime-fighter oufits
-Watermelon Martinis
I could watch cartoons over normal television if I had a choice.
-The word ‘delicious’
-Writing nonsensical ramblings
-Dancing around in my room, sometimes playing air guitar, sometimes not.

Things I don’t like:
Katie Perry’s ‘I kissed a girl’-
This is probably one of the most annoying songs and its so catchy, to make matters worse. More importantly, it has given rise to the return of ‘bisexual chic’. Please ladies, if you intend on being bi, don’t do it for the attention alone.
-Forgetting my tea for a bit and then drinking it when its cold.
-Bad sound quality.
Especially when some people put hectic bass in their cars and think its cool when their windows rattle… I’m all for earth moving and such, but not when it affects the sound quality. Or that robotic spastic sound of bad copies of songs, I don’t care how beautiful the song is, if its of inferior quality, I’d rather not listen to it.
-People that continue their conversation even though you are busy jabbering on about the same point and refuse to listen to what you have to say, later saying exactly what you said. It is annoying.
-People that think ‘Global warming’ is a conspiracy. Seriously, these people need a ‘common sense slap’.
-Bad remakes of really good songs. Most of the remakes of Michael Jackson’s stuff. He may be a plastic man/boy lover, but his stuff was awesome.
-The smell of raw eggs: For this reason, I can’t have my eggs done any way but scrambled.
-Shower curtains. With dolphins on them (shudder)
-That Sarah Palin woman
-Girls that wear low cut pants and let their bits hang out. Please, I’d rather not see your love handles, cover that shit up.
-That awkward moment after you introduce yourself to someone and they’re busy taking in your appearance and you don’t know what to do in return.
conscientiously typing the lyrics to the song I’m listening to in my emails and such. (where soul meets bodeeeeeeeeee)
-When I have to sit next to an unknown person and their arm touches mine
-Windows Vista
-Watching a sex scene in a movie when my parents are in the room.
I know I’m way too old to be feeling awkward about this, but it is my least favorite thing to do.
-Hangovers. I hate them, like a lot lot.
-People that deny the obvious. If you feel the need to ask whether your ass looks big in something, it probably does, and if it does not and you’re just asking because you want the other person to say it doesn’t, you are a poser, and you deserve a big ass. So Ha!

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